From Painful Childhood Memories To Your Future
In childhood, almost all of us have experienced some kind of trauma physically, emotionally, or mentally. We know that our early experiences likely affect all of us to a certain extend. We all have secrets or wounds which never healed. That is the reason we see most people are more sensitive to environmental factors due to variations in psychological issues. But that doesn’t mean you can’t recover from bad childhood experiences. Yes, you really can. It’s a long hard process, full of ups and downs, high and lows but you can get over it.
Sometimes, real life events destroy our lives as:
- A violent assault
- A car accident
- Parental separation or divorce
- Domestic violence in homes
- Seeing your parents addicted to alcohol or drugs
- Child abuse
- Body shaming
- Ranging at school level
“For many families, events happen that are unpredictable; these events can affect how a child feels and behaves.“
While several traumatic events are believed to have the greatest effect on long-term mental health, other stressful events that don’t necessarily meet the psychological definition of trauma but still cause problems. This might includes sudden death in the family, a stressful separation, or too much care for someone.
“When people go through traumatic or complicated grief, they can experience pretty similar symptoms to those they might experience with trauma, such as intrusive thoughts,” says Dr. Ressler.
Clues to recognize the child:
I think a child’s behaviors are a set of clues to help me understand the child. Sometimes, children who have tantrums, occur because they don’t have the words to tell you what is bothering them. Or maybe they can’t make sense of what is happening around them and the strong feelings inside them are hard to control.
It can be scary, overwhelming, and challenging to confess these situations out loud. They may act out, cry or feel sad, lose development skills, or have trouble sleeping.
“The greater a child’s terror, and the earlier it is experienced, the harder it becomes to develop a strong and healthy sense of self.”
The term “Inside out“ is the best suitable word to understand this healing process. Wounds always heal from inside to outside. Try to pursue helpful things that overcome adult’s fears, phobias, and insecurities. This is where true healing happens. Below are some examples of how to heal and practice it:
- Remind yourself that you are no longer in danger and you are safe in the present.
- Remind yourself you are an adult and you have resources to protect yourself.
- There’s nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. You didn’t deserve to be treated badly.
- Make your mind clean and toxic-free. Keep it safe and happy.
- Identify which things bring your flashbacks.
” If by “recover” you mean return to the way you were before the trauma-no my dear. Innocence is lost for good. Every experience, good or bad, changes us and that influences our pattern of growth throughout life.”
Don’t confuse acceptance with preference:
Just because you accept something does not mean you prefer it or even support it. It’s impportant to be clear with yourself that you’re not endoring something by accepting it, you’re simply saying ” This happened. Let’s move on.”
Do not listen to people who say, “but that happened ages ago, “just get over it,” “learn to live in the present,”. Those people don’t know what they are talking about. You have every RIGHT to your feelings.
I advise you to read this helpful book ” Childhood Disrupted: How your Biography Becomes Your Biology, And How You Can Heal“- by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. This is one of the best books I have ever read on CHILDHOOD trauma.
Inner child plays a vital role in healing as it reconnects the roots of many of our adult fears, phobias and insecurities. Think of your inner child as a basement you use for storage. You have stored lots of experiences, situations, and emotions in this place. Speak with your inner child and reassure them.
keep in mind that you hold the power now. You are no longer in the hands of abusers and are safe. That needs to sink into your mind, and this is where therapy will benefit you most.
If you have any other doubts feel free to ask!
Meet the Blogger
YOU ARE YOUR BEST ASSET
Hi! I am your mental health counselor. I believe that no-one should have to face a mental health problem alone. So, let’s stand together and support each other.